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LJ Idol Season 10, Week 5

LJ Idol Entry, Week 5

Fear is the heart of love

It’s almost that time of year again.

You know, the weeks between Christmas and Easter when the world is covered in red and pink and cherubs and lacy paper doilies and tons of glitter, which you find in places you didn’t know you had, especially if you have kids - and people search for or do their best to make a valentine for the one they love to show them how they feel. Will they like it? Did I screw up and get the wrong present? Are they going to hate it? Hopeful partners head off to the jeweler, picking out a ring to ask the most important question of their lives. Will they say yes? What if they say no?

Love and fear are inexorably linked. Fear of losing love, of being rejected by someone you love, falling in love with the wrong person, falling out of love or the person you love falling out of love with you, or in love with someone else.

The connection between love and fear has been documented since the beginning of recorded history, including both religious and secular texts. In the Bible, 1 John 4:18 says “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” If the love is real, it will be stronger than the fear.
But love is the basis of everything – from our earliest relationships with parents, siblings and family, to later ones with boy/girl friends, best friends, and romantic relationships – which enable us to start the whole cycle again. Bertrand Russell said that “To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.” Someone who lets their fear of love rule them will miss out on the most important things in life, because love and life require courage.

For some of us more introverted types, dating is miserable. I would rather have a root canal with no anesthesia than go out on a date and make small talk with someone I barely know. Stuck between the fear of love and fear of loneliness is not a great place to be. The possibility of letting someone else into your heart, giving them the ability to break it, can strike fear in the bravest person.

Franklin Roosevelt said that “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” Nobody knows what the future is going to bring. Sometimes you just have to push back the fear, hope for the best and jump in with both feet.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 17th, 2017 06:31 am (UTC)
That Bertrand Russell quote is fantastic (and has that dry humor of his).

It is hard to take that risk, to allow yourself to be vulnerable, but the potential reward is extraordinarily large.
Jan. 17th, 2017 09:22 pm (UTC)
Trust and fear kinda go together.
Jan. 18th, 2017 11:45 am (UTC)
..because love and life require courage. How true!

Jan. 18th, 2017 03:15 pm (UTC)
Love and fear are two huge elements of life... but love really is one of those things that is more important than fear!

Good reminder.
Jan. 18th, 2017 10:53 pm (UTC)
The nexus between love and fear is so deep ....

The Bertrand Russell quote just hits home ... those who let fear keep them away from love ... do not really live.
Jan. 18th, 2017 11:45 pm (UTC)
Glitter + children = recipe for disaster.

As an introvert who prefers living life as a hermit 95% of the time, dating definitely is miserable.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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